1
00:00:03,269 --> 00:00:06,071
[♪]

2
00:01:15,774 --> 00:01:17,342
[rattling]

3
00:01:27,487 --> 00:01:29,721
Oh, man. A fella
could get used to this.

4
00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:35,494
Ah, I'll bet the peanut inside
is all warm and toasty.

5
00:01:37,563 --> 00:01:40,898
Oh, lord...

6
00:01:40,899 --> 00:01:44,136
Bless this mandm...

7
00:01:44,137 --> 00:01:45,570
And the mighty cockroach

8
00:01:45,571 --> 00:01:47,639
I slain in battle to get it.

9
00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:52,410
Hi, honey.

10
00:01:53,612 --> 00:01:56,380
<i>You</i> ruined my day,
you know.

11
00:01:56,381 --> 00:01:57,749
Well, peg, it's your own fault.

12
00:01:57,750 --> 00:01:59,817
Stop asking me
if you look old in the morning.

13
00:02:01,787 --> 00:02:02,821
Not that.

14
00:02:02,822 --> 00:02:05,022
Thanks to you, I had
a humiliating experience

15
00:02:05,023 --> 00:02:06,290
At the beauty
parlor.

16
00:02:06,291 --> 00:02:08,793
Your paycheck
fell out of my purse,

17
00:02:08,794 --> 00:02:10,361
And everyone saw it.

18
00:02:11,597 --> 00:02:13,898
I tried to pretend
it was bud's,

19
00:02:13,899 --> 00:02:15,767
But no one
believed me.

20
00:02:15,768 --> 00:02:17,969
There it was,
just as plain as day:

21
00:02:17,970 --> 00:02:19,971
Al bundy, 80 pesos.

22
00:02:21,239 --> 00:02:23,240
So I pretended
to laugh

23
00:02:23,241 --> 00:02:24,509
Like I thought
it was funny,

24
00:02:24,510 --> 00:02:27,645
But inside,
I was dying.

25
00:02:31,149 --> 00:02:32,617
Mmm!

26
00:02:32,618 --> 00:02:34,652
The peanut's
all warm and toasty.

27
00:02:44,196 --> 00:02:45,630
Whoo!

28
00:02:45,631 --> 00:02:46,697
Oh, baby.

29
00:02:46,698 --> 00:02:48,499
[laughs]

30
00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:49,935
What brought that on?

31
00:02:49,936 --> 00:02:51,770
Well, I was trying
to get my dinner back!

32
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:54,806
Al, you're avoiding
the issue.

33
00:02:54,807 --> 00:02:57,442
Now, let's face it.
You're past 40.

34
00:02:57,443 --> 00:02:59,110
It's time you started
bringing home

35
00:02:59,111 --> 00:03:00,445
More money than opie.

36
00:03:02,181 --> 00:03:05,383
Peg, opie came home
to aunt bea's pies.

37
00:03:05,384 --> 00:03:08,887
Me, I come home
to aunt bea.

38
00:03:08,888 --> 00:03:10,187
[sighs]

39
00:03:10,188 --> 00:03:12,156
Mom, dad,

40
00:03:12,157 --> 00:03:13,959
I've got some
great news.

41
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,294
What, they're starting
an all-you-can-eat buffet

42
00:03:16,295 --> 00:03:18,529
At the men's shelter?

43
00:03:18,530 --> 00:03:20,665
Good talking
to you, dad.

44
00:03:20,666 --> 00:03:23,134
Mom, I've got
some great news.

45
00:03:23,135 --> 00:03:25,937
I've been selected one of five
chicago-area students

46
00:03:25,938 --> 00:03:28,506
To go to the white house
and meet the president.

47
00:03:28,507 --> 00:03:30,108
Peg, did you
hear that?

48
00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:32,310
My boy's going to
meet the president.

49
00:03:32,311 --> 00:03:33,711
Son, do me a favor.

50
00:03:33,712 --> 00:03:35,646
I-if you meet
the white-haired old lady--

51
00:03:35,647 --> 00:03:37,315
You know, mrs. President...

52
00:03:37,316 --> 00:03:40,051
She seems nice. Tell her
to go into the kitchen

53
00:03:40,052 --> 00:03:42,487
And fix something up,
and bring it home to old dad.

54
00:03:42,488 --> 00:03:44,155
And, uh, while you're
at it, uh,

55
00:03:44,156 --> 00:03:47,525
Bring me back some of that
presidential toilet paper.

56
00:03:47,526 --> 00:03:51,162
Man, I'll bet
that stuff is <i>smooth.</i>

57
00:03:52,798 --> 00:03:54,265
Yeah, sure, dad.

58
00:03:54,266 --> 00:03:56,300
Mom, you want me to
grab a lamp or anything,

59
00:03:56,301 --> 00:03:57,668
If I have
a hand free?

60
00:03:57,669 --> 00:04:00,938
Well, I wouldn't
spit at a painting.

61
00:04:00,939 --> 00:04:04,042
Oh. Just dad's
laundry, eh, mom?

62
00:04:04,043 --> 00:04:06,878
Anyway, all I need
for the trip is 100 bucks.

63
00:04:06,879 --> 00:04:08,579
Hundred bucks?!

64
00:04:08,580 --> 00:04:12,117
For 100 bucks, we can get
the president to come here.

65
00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:14,652
Ah, what the hell.
Peg, uh, give me my checkbook.

66
00:04:14,653 --> 00:04:18,189
You want the personal
or the corporate account?

67
00:04:18,190 --> 00:04:20,658
I-I want the joint account.

68
00:04:20,659 --> 00:04:22,026
The one where
the checks say,

69
00:04:22,027 --> 00:04:23,027
"mrs. Peggy bundy and

70
00:04:23,028 --> 00:04:26,330
The nameless shoe salesman."

71
00:04:26,331 --> 00:04:28,099
Look, that was supposed
to be a joke.

72
00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:29,934
I had no idea
that they would actually

73
00:04:29,935 --> 00:04:31,202
Put that on the checks.

74
00:04:34,673 --> 00:04:37,509
But at least they left out
the "witless" part.

75
00:04:40,078 --> 00:04:44,081
"nameless
shoe salesman."

76
00:04:45,784 --> 00:04:46,918
Here you go, son.

77
00:04:46,919 --> 00:04:50,388
Now, this is
the bundys' last $100.

78
00:04:51,790 --> 00:04:53,491
You're proud of me,
aren't you, dad?

79
00:04:53,492 --> 00:04:56,561
I'm proud
of both my children.

80
00:04:56,562 --> 00:04:58,229
You guys,
I have great news!

81
00:05:02,501 --> 00:05:04,569
Was this couch
always here?

82
00:05:07,506 --> 00:05:09,173
Oh.

83
00:05:09,174 --> 00:05:11,175
Anyway...I have a chance

84
00:05:11,176 --> 00:05:14,011
To be
miss weenie tot.

85
00:05:14,012 --> 00:05:15,513
Do you know what that means?

86
00:05:15,514 --> 00:05:16,847
It means that if I win,

87
00:05:16,848 --> 00:05:18,583
I get to go
to supermarkets

88
00:05:18,584 --> 00:05:21,386
And hold a tray of weenie tots
in front of a cold freezer,

89
00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:25,122
While a bunch of old men
look up my dress.

90
00:05:25,123 --> 00:05:28,993
I have dreamt about this
since I was a little girl.

91
00:05:28,994 --> 00:05:32,397
And, if I win, I get
a year's supply of weenie tots.

92
00:05:32,398 --> 00:05:34,131
Hey.

93
00:05:34,132 --> 00:05:35,633
[chuckles]

94
00:05:35,634 --> 00:05:37,134
What's a weenie tot?

95
00:05:37,135 --> 00:05:39,470
What's a weenie
tot?!

96
00:05:39,471 --> 00:05:41,706
Peg, a weenie tot
is a delicious,

97
00:05:41,707 --> 00:05:43,073
Little hot-dog-type
meat

98
00:05:43,074 --> 00:05:47,044
Wrapped in a breaded shell
and deep-fried in pure lard.

99
00:05:48,347 --> 00:05:51,149
It's nature's
perfect food.

100
00:05:51,150 --> 00:05:54,318
All I need is $100 for a new
dress to impress the judges.

101
00:05:54,319 --> 00:05:56,220
Well, can the pathetic
dreams, kel,

102
00:05:56,221 --> 00:05:57,921
'cause I got dad's
last 100 right here

103
00:05:57,922 --> 00:05:59,157
To meet the president--

104
00:06:00,593 --> 00:06:02,259
Can it be true?

105
00:06:02,260 --> 00:06:03,495
My little girl,

106
00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:05,429
The symbol of
this country's superiority

107
00:06:05,430 --> 00:06:07,264
In chemically-treated food?

108
00:06:07,265 --> 00:06:09,200
And bringing home
those little weenies

109
00:06:09,201 --> 00:06:11,235
To dear old dad.
[chuckles]

110
00:06:11,236 --> 00:06:14,605
And maybe daddy could share
these little weenies with mommy.

111
00:06:18,476 --> 00:06:21,546
Listen...Gomez, morticia.

112
00:06:22,981 --> 00:06:25,950
Surely you can't compare
bimboing around with pig parts

113
00:06:25,951 --> 00:06:28,586
To my meeting the president
of our United States.

114
00:06:28,587 --> 00:06:31,589
Well, we've only
got $100 left.

115
00:06:31,590 --> 00:06:33,223
It's a tough call.

116
00:06:33,224 --> 00:06:36,694
One...Is a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity.

117
00:06:36,695 --> 00:06:38,462
And the other...

118
00:06:38,463 --> 00:06:42,099
Meeting the president.

119
00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:43,935
Gee, al.

120
00:06:43,936 --> 00:06:46,070
What's a parent to do?

121
00:06:58,550 --> 00:07:01,218
I can't believe
I'm actually in the place

122
00:07:01,219 --> 00:07:03,588
Where they make
weenie tots.

123
00:07:07,459 --> 00:07:09,026
Daddy, did you notice

124
00:07:09,027 --> 00:07:10,862
That there are
no garbage cans outside?

125
00:07:10,863 --> 00:07:13,998
Well, a lot of places now
are into recycling, honey.

126
00:07:16,335 --> 00:07:17,602
Attention, everyone.

127
00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:20,337
Mr. Shnick, president
of weenie tot incorporated,

128
00:07:20,338 --> 00:07:21,873
Will be with you
in a moment.

129
00:07:21,874 --> 00:07:24,509
He's just briefing
his vice presidents.

130
00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:25,476
Okay. Okay.

131
00:07:25,477 --> 00:07:27,311
The girls are gonna
be in here any minute.

132
00:07:27,312 --> 00:07:30,014
Now, remember, remember.
You're all vice presidents.

133
00:07:30,015 --> 00:07:31,015
Yeah, yeah.
Boobies!

134
00:07:31,016 --> 00:07:32,016
Boobies!

135
00:07:32,017 --> 00:07:33,417
Johnson!

136
00:07:34,619 --> 00:07:36,954
Now, you calm down.

137
00:07:36,955 --> 00:07:38,790
Okay, get them
in here, flopsie.

138
00:07:40,392 --> 00:07:42,660
Oh, there they are.
Aren't they lovely?

139
00:07:42,661 --> 00:07:44,528
Come right in. Come right in.
Come right in.

140
00:07:44,529 --> 00:07:46,030
Make yourselves
comfortable.

141
00:07:46,031 --> 00:07:47,765
Thank you, girls.
Thank you-- thank--

142
00:07:47,766 --> 00:07:50,635
Uh, whoa. Whoa.

143
00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:52,436
Hey, I told you boys
in janitorial,

144
00:07:52,437 --> 00:07:53,938
You wanna
look at the girls,

145
00:07:53,939 --> 00:07:56,774
You gotta go around
and peek in the windows.

146
00:07:56,775 --> 00:07:58,308
Hey, I'm one of the parents.

147
00:07:58,309 --> 00:08:00,745
Uh, I'd just like to say
how much I love weenie tots.

148
00:08:00,746 --> 00:08:02,780
And, uh...

149
00:08:02,781 --> 00:08:04,849
What's the secret
ingredient?

150
00:08:04,850 --> 00:08:06,350
[chuckles]

151
00:08:16,628 --> 00:08:19,096
We're not allowed
to tell.

152
00:08:19,097 --> 00:08:20,265
Ah, well.

153
00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:21,599
Kelly,
good luck, honey.

154
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:22,833
Both:
Mwah.

155
00:08:22,834 --> 00:08:25,669
I'm gonna go outside
and play with flopsie now.

156
00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:31,709
You may be
wondering

157
00:08:31,710 --> 00:08:33,378
What a 25-year-old
millionaire

158
00:08:33,379 --> 00:08:37,548
Is doing with
an 18-year-old daughter.

159
00:08:37,549 --> 00:08:39,216
Not really.

160
00:08:39,217 --> 00:08:41,386
Anyway...Um...

161
00:08:41,387 --> 00:08:42,453
Both her parents,

162
00:08:42,454 --> 00:08:44,588
Especially
her mother...

163
00:08:44,589 --> 00:08:47,058
Died in a flaming
car wreck.

164
00:08:47,059 --> 00:08:49,193
Sir, you're
spraying me.

165
00:08:51,363 --> 00:08:53,898
My name
is butter lefkowitz,

166
00:08:53,899 --> 00:08:56,868
And I hope one day
to be a doctor.

167
00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:00,504
My name is rhonda rose,

168
00:09:00,505 --> 00:09:04,175
And I believe
we must stop pollution.

169
00:09:06,311 --> 00:09:09,213
I'm kelly,
pronounced "kel-ee," bundy,

170
00:09:09,214 --> 00:09:13,050
And I think guys with hooks
for hands are cool.

171
00:09:13,051 --> 00:09:15,853
[all chuckling]

172
00:09:17,122 --> 00:09:19,657
And now for the all-important
talent competition.

173
00:09:19,658 --> 00:09:20,858
Dance.

174
00:09:20,859 --> 00:09:23,795
[funky pop music playing]

175
00:09:35,373 --> 00:09:38,142
Armed with only
a long knife...

176
00:09:38,143 --> 00:09:41,378
I slayed the beast
that crushed my wife

177
00:09:41,379 --> 00:09:44,381
And left me alone
in my mansion

178
00:09:44,382 --> 00:09:46,150
With the world's
largest diamond.

179
00:09:48,053 --> 00:09:50,822
Does it smell
like feet in here?

180
00:09:52,124 --> 00:09:54,558
I don't smell anything.

181
00:09:55,693 --> 00:09:57,729
[festive tropical music playing]

182
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,068
Give me one!

183
00:10:05,971 --> 00:10:08,039
Ok, here's the truth:

184
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:10,407
I'm not 25.

185
00:10:10,408 --> 00:10:12,944
I'm not a millionaire.

186
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:16,080
And, uh...Those were my feet.

187
00:10:17,416 --> 00:10:18,916
But, uh...

188
00:10:18,917 --> 00:10:21,085
Here's the real story.

189
00:10:22,087 --> 00:10:24,588
I'm joe namath.

190
00:10:26,424 --> 00:10:29,093
'sixty-nine superbowl, babe.

191
00:10:30,228 --> 00:10:32,630
That was me.

192
00:10:32,631 --> 00:10:35,399
Nineteen sixty-nine?

193
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:38,336
I wasn't even born yet.

194
00:10:39,104 --> 00:10:40,171
[sobbing]

195
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:47,145
[upbeat pop music playing]

196
00:10:58,056 --> 00:10:59,556
Oh, lord...

197
00:11:00,959 --> 00:11:03,895
I know I've come to you
a time or two in the past.

198
00:11:03,896 --> 00:11:07,231
Of course...You've been
less than receptive.

199
00:11:07,232 --> 00:11:09,400
Well, you know,
the wife thing,

200
00:11:09,401 --> 00:11:11,903
The shoe thing,
the life thing...

201
00:11:11,904 --> 00:11:14,638
But, lord,
this time I have a chance

202
00:11:14,639 --> 00:11:17,909
At winning a year's supply
of weenie tots here.

203
00:11:17,910 --> 00:11:19,176
You know
how good they are.

204
00:11:19,177 --> 00:11:21,345
They're made up
of all your creatures.

205
00:11:21,346 --> 00:11:23,748
So...

206
00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:24,948
Please let kelly win.

207
00:11:24,949 --> 00:11:26,550
And if you do, I'll--

208
00:11:26,551 --> 00:11:28,486
I'll be nice to everyone I meet

209
00:11:28,487 --> 00:11:30,120
Forever and ever.

210
00:11:30,121 --> 00:11:32,022
Amen.

211
00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:36,861
Daddy, I won!
I won!

212
00:11:37,696 --> 00:11:38,696
Oh!

213
00:11:38,697 --> 00:11:40,064
[gasping]

214
00:11:41,399 --> 00:11:43,600
Get out of the way,
behemoth!

215
00:11:50,676 --> 00:11:53,277
Man [over tv]:
<i>And so continues</i>
<i>our special half hour</i>

216
00:11:53,278 --> 00:11:55,580
<i>On the four plucky,</i>
<i>chicago-area youths</i>

217
00:11:55,581 --> 00:11:58,082
<i>Who have captured</i>
<i>the hearts of the nation.</i>

218
00:11:58,083 --> 00:11:59,917
<i>The meeting</i>
<i>with the president today.</i>

219
00:11:59,918 --> 00:12:01,953
<i>The ride in</i> <i>air force one.</i>

220
00:12:01,954 --> 00:12:05,356
<i>The gifts showered on them</i>
<i>from corporate america.</i>

221
00:12:05,357 --> 00:12:08,425
<i>But you have to wonder about</i>
<i>the mysterious fifth youth</i>

222
00:12:08,426 --> 00:12:11,295
<i>Who didn't make the trip.</i>

223
00:12:11,296 --> 00:12:15,633
<i>Well...I guess he had</i>
<i>better things to do.</i>

224
00:12:17,669 --> 00:12:19,170
Hi, bud.

225
00:12:19,171 --> 00:12:21,272
Gee, why so glum?

226
00:12:21,273 --> 00:12:23,841
Is it that
president thing again?

227
00:12:27,312 --> 00:12:28,779
Now, baby, come on.

228
00:12:28,780 --> 00:12:30,381
There will be plenty
of other

229
00:12:30,382 --> 00:12:32,750
Once-in-a-lifetime
opportunities.

230
00:12:32,751 --> 00:12:35,085
Now, I know what would
make up for this.

231
00:12:35,086 --> 00:12:37,588
Let's go get ice cream.

232
00:12:37,589 --> 00:12:39,323
Ice cream?

233
00:12:39,324 --> 00:12:41,892
Do you think some lousy
chocolate sprinkles

234
00:12:41,893 --> 00:12:43,261
Can make up
for this?

235
00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:45,996
I could've ridden
in air force one.

236
00:12:45,997 --> 00:12:48,866
Could've had
a scholarship to harvard.

237
00:12:48,867 --> 00:12:50,334
I could've
been playing nintendo

238
00:12:50,335 --> 00:12:52,303
With dan quayle
in the war room.

239
00:12:56,141 --> 00:12:58,142
This is the worst thing
that's ever happened--

240
00:12:58,143 --> 00:12:59,877
Al:
Guess what!

241
00:12:59,878 --> 00:13:01,746
The weenie tots
are here!

242
00:13:06,718 --> 00:13:08,151
This is
the greatest day

243
00:13:08,152 --> 00:13:09,653
In the history
of the bundys.

244
00:13:09,654 --> 00:13:11,622
Son, here.
No one can look glum

245
00:13:11,623 --> 00:13:13,557
With a weenie tot
on their tongue.

246
00:13:15,493 --> 00:13:16,927
[chuckles]

247
00:13:16,928 --> 00:13:18,329
What's the matter
with him?

248
00:13:18,330 --> 00:13:19,429
Oh, I don't know.

249
00:13:19,430 --> 00:13:20,731
I know what would
cheer him up.

250
00:13:20,732 --> 00:13:22,800
Let's take him out
for some ice cream.

251
00:13:22,801 --> 00:13:24,602
Spare me your love.
I'm going out.

252
00:13:24,603 --> 00:13:25,469
Where you going?

253
00:13:25,470 --> 00:13:28,305
Just to take
a nice nap in traffic.

254
00:13:28,306 --> 00:13:30,173
Well, don't forget
your jacket.

255
00:13:31,743 --> 00:13:34,378
Peg...I gotta
get back to work.

256
00:13:34,379 --> 00:13:36,947
But at least I've got something
now to put in my lunch box.

257
00:13:39,551 --> 00:13:40,651
[blows]

258
00:13:42,721 --> 00:13:45,122
Oh, look, al.
Weenie tots is running

259
00:13:45,123 --> 00:13:47,558
A new scratch-and-sniff
sweepstakes.

260
00:13:47,559 --> 00:13:49,927
"if your card smells
like a weenie,

261
00:13:49,928 --> 00:13:52,730
You win $50,000."

262
00:13:52,731 --> 00:13:54,965
Hey, let's open them all up
and see if we won.

263
00:13:54,966 --> 00:13:56,533
Peg, no.

264
00:13:56,534 --> 00:13:58,735
Read the label.

265
00:13:58,736 --> 00:13:59,804
"no nutritional value."

266
00:13:59,805 --> 00:14:01,438
No, keep reading.

267
00:14:01,439 --> 00:14:03,240
"this is not a food--"

268
00:14:03,241 --> 00:14:06,243
No, no, no.
The fine print.

269
00:14:06,244 --> 00:14:09,713
"do not expose
weenie tots to air.

270
00:14:09,714 --> 00:14:12,616
"will accelerate
disintegration process.

271
00:14:12,617 --> 00:14:14,818
Enjoy."

272
00:14:14,819 --> 00:14:16,387
I want to know
if we won.

273
00:14:16,388 --> 00:14:19,923
Well, I can tell you that.
We're bundys. We didn't.

274
00:14:19,924 --> 00:14:21,992
Now, peg,
I've got a year's supply

275
00:14:21,993 --> 00:14:23,760
Of my favorite mock food.

276
00:14:23,761 --> 00:14:29,233
It, like me,
is <i>highly</i> unstable.

277
00:14:29,234 --> 00:14:31,268
Al, if you don't want me
to touch them,

278
00:14:31,269 --> 00:14:33,137
Just say "don't touch them."

279
00:14:33,138 --> 00:14:34,405
Don't touch them.

280
00:14:34,406 --> 00:14:35,706
Then I won't.

281
00:14:49,721 --> 00:14:52,290
The place smells
like rat droppings.

282
00:14:54,159 --> 00:14:55,359
[gasps]

283
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:56,493
Oh, no!

284
00:14:56,494 --> 00:14:58,362
Woman,
what have you done?

285
00:14:58,363 --> 00:14:59,930
My tots!

286
00:14:59,931 --> 00:15:01,231
My tots!

287
00:15:01,232 --> 00:15:03,067
My weenies
have been exposed!

288
00:15:04,369 --> 00:15:07,237
You've disintegrated
my tots!

289
00:15:07,238 --> 00:15:09,106
Al, we didn't
win.

290
00:15:09,107 --> 00:15:11,709
Look what you've done
to my tots!

291
00:15:11,710 --> 00:15:13,210
Would you think about me
for once?

292
00:15:13,211 --> 00:15:14,745
I've ruined
my fingernails,

293
00:15:14,746 --> 00:15:17,548
And I've had
six nosebleeds.

294
00:15:17,549 --> 00:15:20,584
Well, there's one box left.
I may as well open it.

295
00:15:20,585 --> 00:15:22,085
Hm! Peg.

296
00:15:22,086 --> 00:15:23,654
Now, can we cut out
the usual charade

297
00:15:23,655 --> 00:15:25,756
Of "I forbid you,
and you totally ignore me"?

298
00:15:25,757 --> 00:15:26,957
So how about this?

299
00:15:26,958 --> 00:15:28,692
Can I eat
the last box in peace?

300
00:15:28,693 --> 00:15:31,228
Can you wait one stinking minute
while I go to the fridge

301
00:15:31,229 --> 00:15:32,830
And get a beer
to wash them down?

302
00:15:32,831 --> 00:15:35,499
Of course, honey.

303
00:15:42,307 --> 00:15:44,508
Congratulations, peg.

304
00:15:44,509 --> 00:15:46,910
You just won
a trip to disneyfist.

305
00:15:48,446 --> 00:15:49,513
Oh, my god!
What?

306
00:15:49,514 --> 00:15:51,114
We won!
Fifty-thousand dollars?

307
00:15:51,115 --> 00:15:52,650
We won!
No!

308
00:15:52,651 --> 00:15:54,351
[both laughing]

309
00:15:57,389 --> 00:15:59,856
Peg. Peg. Where
do you wanna go?

310
00:15:59,857 --> 00:16:01,024
Hawaii.

311
00:16:01,025 --> 00:16:02,793
Okay. Then I shall
go to europe.

312
00:16:02,794 --> 00:16:03,827
I love you.

313
00:16:03,828 --> 00:16:05,462
[both laughing]

314
00:16:06,864 --> 00:16:08,865
We're wasting time.
Let's pack.

315
00:16:08,866 --> 00:16:10,167
Okay.

316
00:16:10,168 --> 00:16:11,769
[giggling]

317
00:16:22,447 --> 00:16:23,514
What's
going on?

318
00:16:23,515 --> 00:16:25,982
Both:
Nothing.

319
00:16:25,983 --> 00:16:27,518
Don't gimme
that.

320
00:16:31,155 --> 00:16:32,756
Ah-ha.

321
00:16:32,757 --> 00:16:34,758
You've won
the weenie tot sniffstakes.

322
00:16:34,759 --> 00:16:36,860
We were just coming out
to tell you--

323
00:16:36,861 --> 00:16:39,063
Spare me
your pork-scented lies.

324
00:16:40,832 --> 00:16:42,199
At this point,

325
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,302
I'm practically
raising myself anyway.

326
00:16:45,303 --> 00:16:46,703
So I'll tell you what.

327
00:16:46,704 --> 00:16:49,706
Just give me the money you have
in your pockets right now...

328
00:16:49,707 --> 00:16:51,175
We'll call it even.

329
00:16:56,714 --> 00:16:58,782
Okay.

330
00:16:58,783 --> 00:17:00,717
Ingrate.

331
00:17:03,221 --> 00:17:05,322
Goodbye, son.

332
00:17:06,591 --> 00:17:09,226
Goodbye,
loving parents.

333
00:17:10,495 --> 00:17:12,129
Oh!
[snaps]

334
00:17:12,130 --> 00:17:13,530
By the way.

335
00:17:13,531 --> 00:17:15,232
Here's a little something
to chat about

336
00:17:15,233 --> 00:17:16,766
On the way back
from the airport.

337
00:17:16,767 --> 00:17:19,136
You can't win.
You're ineligible

338
00:17:19,137 --> 00:17:21,138
Because your
microbrained daughter

339
00:17:21,139 --> 00:17:22,939
Is now
a weenie tot employee.

340
00:17:22,940 --> 00:17:25,409
We'll be poor
for the rest of our lives!

341
00:17:25,410 --> 00:17:27,111
[laughing]

342
00:17:27,112 --> 00:17:28,512
Bite on that weenie!

343
00:17:38,022 --> 00:17:39,489
Is he right, al?

344
00:17:39,490 --> 00:17:41,692
I'm afraid he is, peg.

345
00:17:41,693 --> 00:17:44,261
Oh, what to do,
what to do.

346
00:17:44,262 --> 00:17:46,196
Well, maybe kelly
can help us out of this.

347
00:17:47,465 --> 00:17:50,267
Boy, am I beat.

348
00:17:50,268 --> 00:17:51,368
All day long,

349
00:17:51,369 --> 00:17:53,169
Cut the ribbon, wave.

350
00:17:53,170 --> 00:17:54,771
Cut the ribbon, wave.

351
00:17:54,772 --> 00:17:59,176
Heavy is the head of she
who wears the crown.

352
00:17:59,177 --> 00:18:01,011
Cut the ribbon, wave...

353
00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:03,113
Well, this is
a fine mess.

354
00:18:03,114 --> 00:18:06,316
She's an idiot,
and the smart one's mad at us.

355
00:18:06,317 --> 00:18:08,318
Hm...

356
00:18:08,319 --> 00:18:10,420
What we need is a dupe.

357
00:18:10,421 --> 00:18:13,523
Someone dishonest enough
to cash this ticket for us,

358
00:18:13,524 --> 00:18:17,327
Yet...Honest enough
not to run off with the money.

359
00:18:17,328 --> 00:18:19,029
In other words...

360
00:18:19,030 --> 00:18:21,231
Someone
<i>mighty</i> stupid.

361
00:18:28,006 --> 00:18:31,641
So we're talking
a 50-50 split.

362
00:18:31,642 --> 00:18:33,210
What do you say?

363
00:18:33,211 --> 00:18:36,580
This is the lowest idea
I have ever heard.

364
00:18:36,581 --> 00:18:38,882
If you want someone to
cheat an american business,

365
00:18:38,883 --> 00:18:40,718
Then you have come to
the wrong people.

366
00:18:40,719 --> 00:18:42,486
What you need, al bundy,
is a criminal.

367
00:18:42,487 --> 00:18:45,622
And I'm no criminal.
And I don't know anyone who is.

368
00:18:45,623 --> 00:18:47,090
I'll do it.

369
00:18:52,763 --> 00:18:54,197
What do you mean,
"I'll do it"?

370
00:18:54,198 --> 00:18:58,101
What part of "I'll do it"
didn't you understand?

371
00:18:58,102 --> 00:18:59,937
Let's just put aside

372
00:18:59,938 --> 00:19:02,272
The dishonesty
of this for a minute.

373
00:19:02,273 --> 00:19:03,807
At least remember

374
00:19:03,808 --> 00:19:06,777
That you are
a white-collar criminal.

375
00:19:06,778 --> 00:19:08,479
This man, at best,

376
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,615
Is a ring-around-the-collar
criminal.

377
00:19:11,616 --> 00:19:14,551
Now, honey, you don't
want to be in league

378
00:19:14,552 --> 00:19:16,786
With someone whose
greatest accomplishment

379
00:19:16,787 --> 00:19:18,688
Has been putting shoes
on his knees

380
00:19:18,689 --> 00:19:20,657
And sneaking into
the movies as a child.

381
00:19:21,826 --> 00:19:23,627
Besides...

382
00:19:23,628 --> 00:19:27,764
I don't wanna wind up bonnie
to this man's "clod."

383
00:19:27,765 --> 00:19:31,335
Marcie, we're talking
about $50,000 here.

384
00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:34,171
That buys a lot
of motion lotion.

385
00:19:37,976 --> 00:19:39,276
Deal.

386
00:19:39,277 --> 00:19:42,078
[all chuckling]

387
00:19:42,079 --> 00:19:44,881
Man [over tv]:
<i>And so, the four</i>
<i>chicago wonder kids</i>

388
00:19:44,882 --> 00:19:47,684
<i>Arrived in geneva for their</i>
<i>summit with russian leader--</i>

389
00:19:47,685 --> 00:19:50,721
Come on. Let's get
some real news on here.

390
00:19:50,722 --> 00:19:52,922
Man 2:
<i>And now, the unusual story</i>

391
00:19:52,923 --> 00:19:55,325
<i>Of the winning</i>
<i>of the weenie tot sniffstakes,</i>

392
00:19:55,326 --> 00:19:57,194
<i>Which occurred</i>
<i>a short time ago.</i>

393
00:19:57,195 --> 00:20:00,864
<i>[triumphant music playing]</i>

394
00:20:05,202 --> 00:20:06,669
Hey...

395
00:20:06,670 --> 00:20:08,839
It looks like
jefferson's getting ready

396
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:10,207
To blow town
with his wife.

397
00:20:11,643 --> 00:20:14,411
He's supposed to
blow town with <i>me.</i>

398
00:20:14,412 --> 00:20:17,381
I mean, us.

399
00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:18,948
As miss weenie tot,

400
00:20:18,949 --> 00:20:22,753
I am pleased to present
this check for $50,000

401
00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:25,455
To mr. Jefferson d'arcy...

402
00:20:25,456 --> 00:20:27,924
A man that I have
never, ever met before...

403
00:20:27,925 --> 00:20:29,893
And, I might add,

404
00:20:29,894 --> 00:20:31,595
Does not live
next door to me,

405
00:20:31,596 --> 00:20:33,364
And has
no prearranged plans

406
00:20:33,365 --> 00:20:35,966
To split the money
with anyone in my family.

407
00:20:38,303 --> 00:20:40,270
So, what do you
plan to do

408
00:20:40,271 --> 00:20:42,572
With my daddy's money,
mr. D'arcy?

409
00:20:44,342 --> 00:20:46,610
What mr. D'arcy intends
to do with the money

410
00:20:46,611 --> 00:20:48,145
Is to make partial
reparations

411
00:20:48,146 --> 00:20:51,315
To the aged and stupid
people he defrauded

412
00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:55,752
In the notorious lake
chicamakomoko land scandal.

413
00:20:55,753 --> 00:20:59,189
Good. Good. I'm glad.
Glad, I say.

414
00:20:59,190 --> 00:21:00,424
I knew this would happen

415
00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:03,827
The moment I heard
<i>al bundy</i> was involved.

416
00:21:03,828 --> 00:21:05,662
That's b-u-n-d--

417
00:21:05,663 --> 00:21:07,898
Hey, hey. That's
my mother's bracelet!

418
00:21:07,899 --> 00:21:09,133
I'm not the criminal.

419
00:21:09,134 --> 00:21:11,068
Al bundy
is the criminal.

420
00:21:16,941 --> 00:21:19,043
Hi, daddy.

421
00:21:19,044 --> 00:21:21,578
Leave town-ay.

422
00:21:21,579 --> 00:21:23,880
The jig is up-say.

423
00:21:30,989 --> 00:21:33,023
Gee, al, uh,

424
00:21:33,024 --> 00:21:34,191
Maybe I made
a mistake

425
00:21:34,192 --> 00:21:36,827
In letting kelly
in on the plans.

426
00:21:39,530 --> 00:21:41,431
[groans]

427
00:21:43,668 --> 00:21:45,769
Well, honey,
at least it's over.

428
00:21:45,770 --> 00:21:48,305
Uh, no, peg.
It's not over.

429
00:21:54,044 --> 00:21:56,813
Now it's over.

430
00:21:59,016 --> 00:22:02,152
What's for dinner tonight
in the slammer, guys?

431
00:22:02,153 --> 00:22:04,220
Same thing
every night.

432
00:22:04,221 --> 00:22:06,457
Weenie tots.

433
00:22:07,524 --> 00:22:09,559
Book me.

434
00:22:25,576 --> 00:22:27,911
[♪]